Monday, November 2, 2009

Calling It Quits


There you are, in this great relationship. Everything is going well. You like all the same things, and it seems you are doing everything together. Your friends like his friends, his friends like your friends, and you are just one of those couples that everyone adores and then, one morning you wake up and think, "I need this why?" Suddenly you feel like maybe, this isn't the way it's supposed to go, maybe it's time for this...dare I say, should be ending. How do you know when it's time to call a relationship quits and move away and on with your life.

Difficulty: Moderate
Things You'll Need:
Close attention to detail
time alone
some good friends
A way out

Step 1
Step one, ASSESS the relationship. Get to a quiet place where you can be alone without interruption by your partner and write down a pros and cons list for your relationship. I recommend destroying this list afterwards so that your partner never find it!

Step 2
Okay, you have your list of pros and cons. Next, take a page or two and write down what was so great about your relationship to begin with. What was it about that person that drove the two of you together? Was it a mutual interest like dancing, or belly shots at the bar, or tennis, or love for Asian food, what was it?

Step 3
Third. Try to figure out just what changed. What happened to make the relationship different. Perhaps in the beginning you were both into kick boxing and now he's working late every day. Maybe in the beginning you both wanted the same things and now it seems like you are going into completely different places. Or maybe you've changed. Maybe what you thought you wanted or needed from the relationship has changed. Maybe you now want more and what had started out as a simple "fling" has become something else and you want a commitment or you want to move on. How long have you been together? We all grow over time. Most couples either grow together, or grow apart. But if you find that the growing apart leaves you dreading when you are with them, maybe it's time to move on.

Step 4
Look at your relationship under a magnifying glass. Are you fighting all the time? Do you find that you/or your partner would rather spend time with their friends than with you? Are you finding fault with each other all the time? Is there or could there be another love interest? These are hard questions, believe me I know it, but you have to ask yourself these questions.

Step 5
Can you be truthful with each other? Do you communicate? How often do you talk about what is going on in your lives? Have they shut you out? Do you shut them out? How often are you intimate with each other? If you aren't having relations at least once a month, there is a problem of some sort. Are they ever tender with you any more?

Step 6
Who have you become as a result of being in this relationship? Is this WHO you are? Do you feel empty inside? Is being with this person getting in the way of who you want to be, truly be, or moreover, who you are? Have you become less of yourself so that they can be more of who they are? Are you the martyr?

Step 7
The hand you hold, maybe the hand that holds you down. If the relationship isn't working at making you a better person, or helping you to become the best you that you can be, then see it for what it is. If you face facts early on in the relationship, you can either work it out, or move on. Don't go chasing after friends. It is truly much better to be alone and happy then to be in a horrible relationship that eats at you daily and in the end sends you to an early grave.

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